I’m smiling because I’m thankful... like real extremely thankful to be pregnant & be here again. Thank you for praying me through, and celebrating our family.
I don’t have easy pregnancies, and being pregnant is SO hard for me. I don’t want to complain about all the hardness that comes because after the miscarriage, I truly have a whole new outlook on the meaning of life & pregnancy in general.
I had a hard time being excited this time. I had a really hard time telling my family and they rejoiced, and were elated, but I was hesitant to let my heart feel happy. I wanted to celebrate but I was fearful. I wanted to dream, but I was too scared. I wanted to tell people and join in with their excitement.
I couldn’t. I let fear consume me. I hesitantly took bump photos starting at 6 weeks because if this baby stuck, I wanted to document it. But it felt silly to care. (I shouldn’t have felt this way. All life deserves to be celebrated no matter the circumstances.) I still have so much fear and pray actively everyday to fight against it. Every time I walk into our doctors office I feel like I can’t breathe. I don’t want to ever ever forget that others are still trying/hoping for their miracle. And I won’t. There’s so many reading this wishing they were pregnant, too or their stories were different. It’s not lost on me, and my heart aches for you. I can’t tell the future and I’m sure glad about that— but I do know our Heavenly Father does and though there’s pain, heartache, and loss, He plans for GOOD. That I know for sure.
So little one, grow strong. I promise to love you, and take care of you the best I can for as long as I am able. ❤️🌈
#pregnancyafterloss #12weeks #babychisholmround2